


Come Back to Me

by mindingmyownbusiness



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes's Trigger Words, F/M, Hydra (Marvel), Light Angst, Memory Loss, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 23:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17232944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindingmyownbusiness/pseuds/mindingmyownbusiness
Summary: What if Bucky's trigger words were interrupted? Would he still be Bucky? Would he be stuck as the Winter Soldier? Or would he be someone else entirely?





	Come Back to Me

_ Longing _

_ Rusted _

_ Seventeen _

_ Daybreak _

_ Furn-- _

The agent’s broken Russian was abruptly cut off when a blast of energy from your hands hit the side of his head, rendering him unconscious. Or dead. Honestly at this moment you couldn’t care which. Your whole being was completely focused on the man standing in front of you.

His wrists were held fast to the wall with some sort of magnetic cuffs, very much like the ones Hydra had tried to use on Steve. But something was off. He wasn’t straining, wasn’t fighting to get free. In fact, he was unnaturally still, calm almost. And that scared you more than anything else.

“Buck…?” You spoke softly, made no sudden movements. Even with the cuffs securely in place you knew that the Winter Soldier was still a deadly threat. But is that what Bucky was now? Even with your limited Russian you knew that the chain had been broken before all the words had been said, so what did that mean? Was he Bucky? The Soldier...? Or someone else?

“Bucky, can you hear me?” Stepping closer you could see that even though his body was still, his breathing was erratic and his eyes were darting all around the room. “Bucky... Buck, I need you to focus on me, okay?” You moved directly in front of him, holding your hands up in a non-threatening stance. After a few tense moments he locked gazes with you, terror and confusion pouring from his icy blue orbs.

“It’s gonna be alright. Here, let me---” As you reached toward him he flinched, closing his eyes tightly and biting his lip so hard it bled.

“No.. no, no, no…,” you whispered, blinking back tears, “god no Buck, I-I’m here to help. I’m a… friend.” He cracked one eye open, then the other, looking at you more intently now. His brow furrowed slightly as he seemed to be studying your features and trying to place you.

“I… know you?” His voice was so small, not at all like the Bucky you knew.

“Yes, you know me Bucky. And I know you. We’re friends, teammates.” He still looked confused but you could sense the tension in him ebbing away. “I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise. I just need to get those cuffs off you, it’s not safe and we need to get out of here.” 

His head whipped around, panic building again as he suddenly realized his situation. He yanked at his cuffs roughly, the movements becoming more and more frantic as he tried desperately to break free.

“Bucky! Buck, stop!” You shifted so he could see you again, crouching down close to where his right wrist was cuffed, “Look at me. Breathe, Buck, just breathe... I’m gonna to get you out of those but I need you to be still, okay?” His eyes flicked to meet yours, still wary, muscle and metal still straining against the unyielding cuffs.

“I wouldn’t lie to you Bucky. I trust you with my life. Please, just trust me to do this for you.” He took a shaky breath before nodding almost imperceptibly. He allowed his arms to fall slack, his breathing steadying again. “That’s it Buck, just try to relax, this’ll only take me a few seconds.” Bucky watched with wide eyes as you focused your powers to create a rapid energy pulse that disrupted each of the cuffs. The now useless pieces fell with a clang to the concrete floor.

You stood, giving Bucky some space as he flexed his hands and rubbed his right wrist. “Are we good?” You wished for more time to put him at ease but you’d already spent too much time in one place. Any second your position could be compromised and you weren’t sure how many of Hydra’s agents you could handle without any assistance. 

Bucky was still eyeing you warily but he nodded in agreement and you moved together toward the door. “Just stay close. Maybe we’ll get lucky.” 

You were nearly at the extraction point when you froze, throwing up an arm to halt Bucky’s movements and press him flat against the wall behind you. Peering around the corner you swore in frustration then turned back toward Bucky before whispering into your com. “Cap, Bucky and I are completely blocked off. Recommend you and the rest of the team take off to draw away any remaining Hydra so we can get to a secondary location. Will radio in once we’re secure.” 

“Roger that, stay safe you two.” And with that you heard the unmistakable sound of the quinjet firing up followed by the fading sounds of Hydra as they scrambled after it.

* * *

Getting to the safehouse was the easy part. Figuring out what was going on with Bucky? That was the part that terrified you. He might appear to be the same as always but his mannerisms were all wrong. Instead of checking the safehouse for threats and securing the perimeter, things that came as naturally to Bucky as breathing, he entered tentatively, glancing around only briefly before sitting carefully on the couch in the center of the living area, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together. Once you had checked in with Steve and you were sure that everything was secure you made your way over to the couch, your thoughts spiraling as you sat down.

For the first time in a long time you were at a loss for what to say.  _ Get it together, it shouldn’t be this hard _ . But it was, it so was.  _ Who knows how long he’ll be like this? What if he never snaps out of it? What if he never truly remembers his real life, remembers… me? _ You shook your head, closing your eyes and taking a deep, cleansing breath to will the thoughts away as you resolved to help him in whatever way you could. 

Remembering his skittishness from before you keep your voice as low and soothing as possible. “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now... Have you... remembered anything? Anything at all?”

Bucky is quiet for a long moment. He closes his eyes in concentration and you have to suppress the urge to grin at how adorably furrowed his brow is. “I… I’m not sure, it’s hard to explain. It’s like all the details have been erased. I don’t know what day it is or remember what I did yesterday. B-but I.. I have these ‘feelings’ I guess…?” Bucky holds up his vibranium arm, turning it slowly and flexing his fingers. “Like this… obviously something happened to my arm but I can’t for the life of me remember what it was. The weirdest part is instead of it being a shock it feels almost... right? Like I am completely at ease with it. When I look at it I feel… strong, protective, like I could take on the world and win and that just feels, well… right.”

A glimmer of hope bubbled in your chest as you looked up with a smile, “That’s great Buck!” You instinctively reached out and laid your hand on his arm, completely forgetting his issues with touch from earlier. His eyes widened as he looked at your hand and you quickly grabbed your hand back. “I-I’m so sorry.. I didn’t mean to…”

“Hey! No it.. It’s fine,” Bucky interrupted your rambling. “I.. well I was just about to say that my arm isn’t the  _ only _ thing that I’ve been having feelings about, the only thing that feels... right. There’s also… you.” His eyes were suddenly locked on yours and you were frozen on the spot, unable and to be perfectly honest unwilling to look away. It was like he was searching for something that was just out of reach and he was sure he’d find it if he stared hard enough. 

“Me?” It was barely a whisper but you couldn’t manage much more than that at the moment, plus you knew he heard you anyway.

He nodded, his eyes scanning carefully over your face. “Back there, in that warehouse, I had no idea what was happening to me. But there you were and I just.. knew. You felt like the only right thing in the world. I was ready to follow you anywhere and I didn’t even know your name. I just felt… safe. I still do.” He locked gazes with you again. “I feel like myself when I look at you,” he chuckled dryly, “and I don’t even know who I am.” He closed his eyes again but this time instead of an adorably furrowed brow there was a painful grimace as he groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Hey, maybe you should lie down, there’s no telling what sort of strain you are putting on yourself trying to remember things too quickly.” You moved to stand but before you could get very far his hand reached to stop you.

“Please… please don’t leave..” His voice, usually so commanding and assertive, was now plaintive and pleading, tearing at your heartstrings.

Squeezing his hand you reassured him, “I’m not going anywhere Buck. Just gimme a sec, okay?”

He released you reluctantly, his eyes following your every movement as you moved to lower the lights and grab a couple blankets from the closet. Returning to the couch you sat at one end and encouraged him to stretch out and lay his head in your lap. 

He laid there stiffly, certainly not relaxing, not until you gently ran your fingers through his hair. He sighed, the tension in his body dissipating as you continued to card your fingers through his hair, humming softly as you did it. In no time at all he had drifted off and you finally felt like you could let your guard down. Taking a deep shuddering breath you struggled to blink away your tears. “Come back to me, Bucky…” you whispered into the darkness before succumbing to your exhaustion, the physical and emotional stress of the day finally catching up with you.

* * *

_ The house was dark. You couldn’t find Bucky anywhere and he wasn’t responding to your calls. You heard the whirring before you saw him. Bucky! No...  _ **_not Bucky_ ** _. Not even close. This was the Winter Soldier who now held your very life in his hands, cold fingers slowly squeezing the breath from your lungs. You clawed desperately at his vice-like grip, tried to scream but couldn’t. Finally you gave up. Staring into his blank eyes you mouthed the words, “I forgive you” just before everything went dark. _

You woke with a gasp, sucking in great gulps of air as you clutched at your neck and chest.  _ It was a dream, just a dream, just a dream… _ Eyes closed tight you continued to mutter those words like a mantra under your breath until you felt a warm hand touch your shoulder. Jerking back with a shriek you tumbled off the couch frantically scrambling away from the shadow looming above you. “S-stay away! Please don’t hurt me!”

“Hey! Doll, it’s me, it’s Bucky! It’s okay, you were just having a nightmare. It’s not real sweetheart, you’re safe with me here… wherever here is... ?” He was kneeling in front of you now and although you were his first priority he was also rapidly taking in his surroundings before darting his gaze back to you, concern written all over his face.

Blinking rapidly in the early morning light you could finally see his face clearly, his words just beginning to register with you. “Bucky? You.. you know who you are? Who I am?” 

“Of course I do, what are you talkin--OOF!” The force of your body colliding with his knocked him flat on his back, your whole body wrapping around his strong frame and clinging onto his for dear life.

“I-I thought I’d lost you! I thought I was never going to get you back!” You were shaking and crying and it was all Bucky could do to get you to calm down again. He sat up, cradling you in his arms and rocking you soothingly as you began to explain the events of the last twelve hours. When you finished he held you even tighter and tenderly kissed the top of your head.

“I’m here,” he murmured into your hair. You tilted your face up to look at him as his lips pressed against your forehead, “I know you.” Featherlight kisses were placed on your cheeks, “I’m not going anywhere.” He hesitated, lips barely brushing against yours, “...and I love you.” And with that he soothed all your worries and sealed all his promises with one unforgettable kiss.

END


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